today's my birthday. same old same old. nothing has changed. isn't that sad? that i'm 29 and i still have yet to show what i'm made of? i mean, i haven't reached my peak yet, financially and spiritually speaking. i don't have savings yet.my son is still staying at my childhood home when he should be with me.i am still an assistant (well, not assistant ASSISTANT but am not a boss yet).

what can i be proud of? well, i'm proud of my smart son.i'm proud of my 6-yr relationship.i'm proud that i have graduated from a (or as we claim, THE) premier university in the phil. but that's it.

i wonder what this new year holds for me. i do wish that that application we made'd be approved and that we, my son, honun and i will be finally be together so we can start being a real family.

youth wasted? naaah...

was reading this book about a woman who has been with somebody for 5yrs (since she was 22, they broke up when she was 27) and she realized that her youth was consumed by that person. she didn't have time to experience a lot of things that single early-20s experience (hmmm..like being promiscuous?) and she regretted the last 5yrs she was too focused on her boyfriend.

it made me think. i'm in a relationship that's going on six years. does this mean i have wasted my youth? i am 28 now. but i don't feel as if i have wasted my time at all. i still love my partner, more so than the day i first realized i love her. so i guess it depends on how your relationship fares. if you grow old together, and you've been with your partner since you were 23, would it really matter if all your experiences in life include that person? of course, like every thing else in life, being in a couple has perks as well as its downside.

take today for example, my partner is going to visit her cousins and she's gonna spend the night there. and i dont wanna go with her because the last 2wkends we've spent there already. i wanna see my sister. it'll be basically the 1st time in 3years that we wouldn't be sleeping together in the same bed while both of us are in the same country. what's more is that, my sis can't come tonight, she'll only be able to go to my place tomorrow as she has a date tonight. so i'll be totally alone in a 1 bedroom apartment. if it were a studio flat, i'd probably be ok but thing is, am a scaredy cat and a 1 bedroom flat has so many areas i wouldn't be able to see at one glance. i could always go with my partner to her cousins' place but i don't want to. am not used to being alone. am scared yet am thrilled at the prospect of conquering my fear of being alone. so there's a downside but there's a perk as well.

another is, i dont have a driving license. my partner has a car and a license ;> so i can't go anywhere i want to at any given time unless i'd brave the traffic as well as the lack of fast cabs here in dubai. so most of the time, if not all, am at the mercy of my partner's whims. tho' to be fair, she always asks me where i wanna go and we normally go to places i wanna go to.

also, when you're alone; you eat when you wanna eat, cook when you feel like it, sleep til the next day, do nothing and all will still be fine. the place you straightened up a week ago would still be not-messy (unless of course you are a messy person). BUT the upside of being a couple is, you'd be forced to cook/eat elaborate food so you'd be able to take in all the vitamins and minerals you're supposed to get everyday, you'd be forced to do stuff both of you enjoys so you don't waste days.

so, i guess it really depends on the kind of person you are. if you are the type who gets suffocated when you have a companion every single day of your life, being in a couple in definitely not for you. tho' am not a perfect couple person either i need alone days as well. every once in while is enough for me. like every other saturday for example, i have the day all to myself as my partner goes to work. and this set up does wonders to my senses. and don't get me wrong, i am a very tolerant person. i let my partner go out---alone whenever she asks me. a few hours with her friends without me every once in while is okay. it's even healthy for the relationship. you get to grow individually.

hopeful? and thankful (tsk tsk counting the chickens...or whatever)

have i mentioned that i was promoted to sales? it was a lateral promotion but another benefit was added to the ones i have been receiving for the past couple of years. i have been provided a flat. one which i wouldn't be able to afford without the company's help. so i am thankful. it has all the facilities-pool and gym in the building, furnished kitchen, nice neighborhood.
it actually is a very great blessing. and i wanna share it with my son.

thing is tho', since i now have been provided a house, my housing allowance was removed. so a big chunk of my salary was taken of. the house we lived in before wasn't that great but it was sufficient for us but not for dru tho' we had extra money for a whole lot of extra whatevers. now, we have to think of where and how we use what money's left after you remove all the basic per month. but as what honun said, we'll wait for our increment and hope for the best.

i'd really like dru to study here. but we need to make sure we can afford it. if our increment combined is more than 3k dh then, we'd be able to take care of dru. and what ill be praying for after would be that dru'll be given a residence visa. otherwise, all will be for nothing. well, not nothing NOTHING but...you know what i mean. it would be so good to try and finally be a family together. see how things'll go. and once dru'll be with me, it'd mean i'd be able to let papa come here and maybe find work.

hooo..so much is riding on the new increment.

...fears...

i have a lot of apprehensions...a lot of doubts...a lot of negativity so to speak.
about the future...about life...about everything basically.
i wanna write em all down...tell the world...tell someone.
but thing is, if i voice em out, i fear they'd become a reality, an absolute certainty.
and that i dont want. so i think its best kept inside.

hhhmmm...i was told a long time back that i frown when i sleep. ive always thought that maybe i have inner demons and they surface when i slumber.

could be, right? oh well...

embracing 2008

2008- its already a new year. but before we move on, let us re-visit year2007.


i cant believe how short year 2007 was. i had so much fun last year.

January- we recently moved to dubai after living in sharjah for more than a year. after the sometimes-2-hours-travel to and from work, finally! finally the bathroom is all ours, the kitchen is all mine. i dont need to see a single soul if i dont want to (of course honhun doesnt count) she will always be there no matter what. and my travel time from work is at most 30mins...

February- we had our company outing at Fujairah. 2nights, 3days (unlike the previous year's 1night only). with literally sky's the limit as the motto. we got drunk, danced, ate, swam til we dropped..honhun and i won sa sugal with colleagues/friends..hahaha..we took a banana boat ride with our friends and had so much fun...and to top it off our bonus was also given. wow! now i have pocket money to bring to the phil

March- i was able to go home and see my baby graduate from kindergarten with honors. whoa!! he started 1st grade last year also (imagine that..i have a kid in elementary school) hahaha...we were able to go to camiguin (at last) after all the years of hoping to visit that island, i was finally able to go there...with my whole family pa and honhun. and when we came back to dubai, bem was with us. i was able to take my sister with me.

April- back to work. and our salary increment was given..happy new year. woohoo!!!

May- i was tapped by the GM of Finance. saying, i will be given more tasks and that i should think of it as a PA in training thing. nice! not yet 2 years in the company but 2 promotions already.

June- tata asked me if i wanna go to UK with her and i said yes, of course, if i get approved by the company to have a vacation and if i get a visa

July- i was able to send a package for my baby, for his birthday. when he got it, they said he was really happy ;> my babys 7 y.o. now...then i asked the GM of finance if the company would allow me to have a vacation in August as well as help me secure a business visa to UK. yes! the company did allow me to have a vaca and the company did help me with the visa. but thats not all...our RGM spoke with me and he offered to have the company pay for a 3nights/4days hotel stay in london for me..hahahaha...aint that grand?

August- Birmingham, London, Coventry UK baby!!! vacation grande with lots of pictures to show. shopping at london streets, sight seeing everywhere plus bar hopping in Soho. it was fun! fun! fun!

September- honhun surprised me with a night stay at palma resort in umm al quain. we celebrated our monthsary there. i was finally able to ride a jetski. hahahaha...so so much fun...

October- i took a leave from work for a week. it was our 5th year anniversary..honhun and i went to al ain and spent two nights at the hilton hotel there. we visited all the tourist spots of al ain. and even though it was ramadan, we were able to find food whenever we wanted to eat. it was road trip plus hotel stay plus road trip again. life's been really good.

November-i was making a report for the GM when i saw my name on the organizational chart of the company. i really am the PA of the GM of finance. it was really on black and white. so im thinking my market value must have skyrocketed. and true enough, somebody called me for a job interview offering me more than my current salary but i already told myself i will only change jobs if i get more than double of my salary.

December- i was able to send a package to pinas..my son was happy he had presents for christmas. my friend khriz gave birth to a (surprisingly) cute and fair-skinned baby boy...must have been exchanged in the hospital hahaha...peace khriz! and i was able to get drunk last christmas.


all in all the my year has been so blessed. hopefully the year 2008 would be the same---blessed in all aspects. hopefully, our application for new zealand would finally push through and would be approved. hopefully, we will be able to save money. hopefully, i would get a high increment this year. hopefully my siblings would finally study well. hopefully bem would find herself and hopefully there would be less chaos in the world.